Another boring day, the usual. Went to breakfast with the advisory at Breuggars. Had the usual. Asiago Parmesan bagel with Garlic Cream cheese and an orange juice. Typical me..
Woke up with a giant bruise on my arm, which is so sore that it hurts to lift it. Completely unfair. I’m saving a life by giving my blood, and I’m still in pain from it? I’m still really drained too. Its kind of driving me crazy.
Classes went by really fast today. Normal nothing in English, the obvious in art, and we watched Scooby Doo in Spanish, which is slowly climbing up the totem pole from being my least favorite class to my favorite, which is really surprising considering I thought I would die in Profe’s class this year.
Watched the new Glee episode today. Rock Horror Picture Show? SO CONFUSING. I had no idea what was going on, and it was kinda driving me crazy.
Almost done with my laundry! So excited, considering I haven’t done laundry in like a decade. Friday, Mary B is coming down to visit me for lunch, and I’m hanging out with Britt Brown that afternoon. Apparently, there will be a camera involved, which really makes me happy, actually. I love doing photoshoots with Britt. It’s always so much fun.
Stephanie comes up tomorrow for her prospective visit, we’ll have to see how that one goes down. It’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure. I’m not really sure how she’s going to fit in here at Saint Mary’s. She’s a lot different than I am, and she’s not as independent. She’s also got “only child syndrome.” Ever since I left the house, Mom and Dad have treated her like the only child, so she’s been spoiled beyond belief. She really wants to come up here and stuff, but I’m just not sure she’s in the typical group that goes here. She’s kind of punky, kind of pistol, and can be quite controlling at times. She’s going to have some major issues rooming with someone, and that I can say is 100% true. She’s going to have the same issues that I did, and god help the girl that pisses her off here. It will not be pretty. She’ll probably beat them to death.
Chad texted me during our hall meeting tonight. Haven’t talked to him in maybe a week or two, and didn’t plan on ever speaking to him again. I have no idea why he started a conversation though. He isn’t making this whole “get over your ex-boyfriend of a year and a half who also hooked up with your roommate” thing easy. He literally drives me insane. I want so badly to feel like he never existed. I really wish that I had never met him. I’ve never loved like I loved him, and I probably won’t ever love someone that much again. But he went after my best friend, and I hurt him just as badly. We’re not going to work, I was a bitch, I messed that one up pretty badly, and that’s not to mention hurting Lee in the process. I just wish that he and I could be as perfect now as we were when we first met each other. Nothing in this world meant more to me than he did, and I don’t think I let him know that enough. I literally couldn’t picture my life without him, and I found out really quickly how much my life didn’t work without him. But I’m extremely stubborn, and I just wouldn’t get off of my high horse. I would give anything to go back and change everything I did. Of course, I’ll never tell him any of this, I’ll never be the better person. I already apologized to him, something that I don’t do often enough. That didn’t fix things, so I won’t be getting off of my high horse any time soon, or ever, I would imagine. Gahh, I don’t know. I just don’t want to be the one crawling back to him. If he wants me, he can get on his hands and knees and crawl back. I don’t get my knees dirty, and I hate to admit that, but I’m not one to back down. I don’t think I ever really expected Hayden to actually go through with getting Chad to like her. I just don’t understand that whole relationship. But, I wish I hadn’t ever met either one of them, and once I get to college, she will definitely not be in my life, and maybe he won’t be either.
I can’t explain how pissed I was when I found out she kissed him. I can’t explain how much I really have a deep hate for her inside. I know I sort of encouraged her to get with him, but I will never ever forgive her. That makes me a bitch in most books, I’m sure. But I can’t get over it. It has been inside of me since the beginning, and I really can’t let it go. I’m just not strong enough to let it go. I don’t have that much good inside of me. It’s probably something that I need to work on. But I can’t help but think, “He is MINE bitch, so you need to get your hands off of him.” I’m just not strong enough to be the bigger person in this situation.
I can’t wait for this weekend. Friday, Clayton Fear Farm trip with friends. Saturday, Christ School/Asheville School football game. How amazing is this weekend going to be? Ahh. Can’t Wait.
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